Battling for Baby~ Dream A Little Dream

A real, candid, personal story of my ongoing battle with Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

Part 1, of many...

Dream A Little Dream
I, like most every other little girl out there growing up, couldn't wait to someday have a family of my own.  I constantly had that 'list' of names in the back of my head on a piece of paper tucked away somewhere secret, that I would one day name my babies.  I loved sharing these names with my sister...and battling over the ones that we both liked, as though they wouldn't change a million times between then and when we would actually have children of our own.  I loved hearing of others' new found pregnancies and the joy that each pregnancy and baby brought to the family that welcomed them with open, loving arms.  I secretly smiled with glee from the inside, each time one of my students 'accidentally' called me Mom when trying to get my attention in class.  I could not wait for all of this to someday be a reality of my own.

My dream came even closer to reality once I met my husband.  He came from a family of four boys.  And like me, family meant the world to him.  We agreed that a family of two or three would be a perfect fit for us.  Once we were married, there was a brief discussion of trying right away.  I had always wanted to be a 'younger' mom and at 31 that dream had since passed... and I wasn't getting any younger with each passing day.  Both of us were the oldest in our immediate families, and pretty much the oldest in our extended families, as well.  And Justin thought it would be great to have what would be, the first grandchild on both sides :)  After careful consideration, and a smidge of selfishness, we decided to wait, at least until after our first year of marriage.

During the course of our first year of marriage, my sister became pregnant.  I was excited and thrilled beyond belief.  I was going to be an Auntie!  I thought this would be perfect.  I could get an up close, personal, front seat, view of the ins and outs of pregnancy and childbirth.  When asked by others "when will it be your turn", I simply sat back, smiled, and jokingly stated "I think I will just see what I am getting myself into first".  My sister had a pretty typical pregnancy, ups and downs, bouts of sickness here and there, but overall healthy and glowing.  When it was time for my little niece to arrive I was beyond excited.  I think I even had my 'hospital bag' packed before my sister did.  I would anxiously go to sleep each night waiting for The Call.  Finally it came.  And finally, my sweet niece Leighton was born after a relatively short labor and an hour of pushing.  I can do that, I thought.

After a summer full of visits with my niece it was time to head back to work.  Justin and I had been 'trying' for two months now and a week before school was set to begin I noticed my 'friend' was a day or so late (and my 'friend' visits VERY regularly).  On Tuesday, August 30th I took my first pregnancy test.  I didn't even get it set on the counter and my pants pulled back up before I saw two VERY solid lines.  I thought I was supposed to get three minutes to mentally prepare! LOL  So much for that!  A range of emotions overwhelmed me...but most of all excitement.  I was so excited, I couldn't even wait to do something cutesy to pass the news onto J that evening.  I did the most impersonal, out of character thing ever, and sent him a picture text of the test with a message saying "Good Morning Daddy".


For the rest of the week, I was in a world of my own.  I was excited and joyful and making plans here and there.   I had J buy some cute belly stickers online so that we could take pictures of my bump with each of the passing weeks.  I looked in stores for a pregnancy journal so that I could record EVERYTHING about this exciting and glowing time.  When I couldn't find one that I liked, I created one myself on my computer that I would be able to transfer over into a My Publisher book.  I also bought a couple of pregnancy books to begin reading at home.  Everywhere I went, I did not feel alone, because my baby was there with me.  It was like my own little private buddy...my own 'invisible' friend.

To be continued...